So, I finally got round to making a new post here, but the burning question on everyone’s lips is ‘where were you?’. Well, I was hiding under the desk.
It started with Fortnite. I’d built up an assortment of friends, many of them fellow streamers, but as I lost confidence in streaming, I also found myself playing solo games a lot more and avoiding ‘squadding up’, cos I didn’t want to speak to people. I came to refer to this as ‘hiding under the desk’. Not literally, but I was still there at my desk, alone, self-isolating from everything to do with streaming cos it made me feel like a loser for not keeping it up.
I made a half-hearted attempt to return during the 2024 Euros, streaming myself playing EAFC (formerly Fifa), but after missing the window for a couple of England matches, I gave up on the idea. And went back to hiding under the desk.
Funnily enough, my next time in front of a camera had nothing to do with streaming. Last year I went back to studying, to finish my degree. And one of the coursework projects this year was to film a slideshow presentation. I’d forgotten when it was due, and only realised the day before. I thought about just not doing it, but knew that my knowledge of Spanish probably wasn’t enough to pass the module with exam only. And I was right. I managed to script, film and edit the video in a single day, and got 9.5 out of 10, and the exam wouldn’t have been enough to pass the module if I hadn’t.
Returning to studying has been a big confidence booster anyway, and helped me out of the depression that had sent me under the desk in the first place. So the fact that it had forced me back in front of the camera gave me knew hope for rebooting my creative work.
And so here I am, writing for the first time in ages, fixing up the website I’d allowed to stagnate to the point where it would no longer open without clicking on the ‘here there be dragons’ message (no ssl – site not safe).
I’m not going to jinx myself by promising that this will be the start of my rebirth as a creative member of society, but I will say this… I’m finally climbing out from under the desk!